I was raped.
This isn’t breaking news as I’ve been very bold in discussing my story that happened a decade ago, but in being transparent, it has reopened old wounds especially on the ignorance and callousness on social media.
Yesterday, a Facebook friend had posted a picture on an asinine bill (in multiple states a rapist can sue for custody rights) and I had commented (foolishly) and it was along the lines of, this country (and across the world) there is still a horrible prevalent rape culture that still perpetuates the “boys will be boys” mentality. I know folks believe it has gotten better as a whole, but the truth is, it really hasn’t. It’s just not in your face, “WOMEN ARE THE PROBLEM” and instead is softly masked.
And seeing that post triggered something in me some hours later.
It triggered disappointment.
It triggered the shifting of the blame.
It triggered the badge that I will wear every day until I die.
It triggered the closet misogyny that some softly mask.
It triggered that feeling I have heard ever since I was sexually accosted, that’s it my fault.
The softly masked dishonor of being a rape victim is one I will never shrug off, it is a part of me.
The “every woman who is raped should be filing a police report” mentality is a deafening issue that some refuse to understand. To them, I’m just another number…another statistic….someone who should have went to the police. But they weren’t raped. They weren’t emotionally brutalized, traumatized, hindered for years. Yes, in a perfect world, ALL rape victims “should file a police report”, but this isn’t a perfect world is it?
Little girl who is raped by her uncle? “Sorry, little girl, you MUST file a police report.”
Young teen sexually brutalized by a family friend? “Sorry, young woman, you MUST file a police report.”
Young woman held at knife point and sexually destroyed? “Sorry, woman, you MUST a file report.”
I understand the intention behind the comment, isn’t – perhaps – to insinuate that it is the woman’s fault, but rather it’s the victim’s prerogative to take control of the situation and report her attacker. I understand that. COMPLETELY.
However, hearing those words from my point of view — from someone who has been raped – it means something completely different.
And frankly, I’m fed the FUCK (yes, I just cursed) up.
I’m fed up at the softly masked rape culture in this society — the mentality that is perpetuated as if it’s STILL the woman’s fault when she is betrayed in the worst possible way.
I’m fed up at people NOT empathizing, but TELLING me what I SHOULD do.
I’m fed up at the indoctrination of our daughters from the time they’re born — the way religious and non-religious institutions try to mold these valiant young women into sexual objects. As if, it’s totally their fault if they are ever victimized. The indoctrination for little girls to grow into submissive, acquiescent little women who are unresisting to men; they are object and that is their worth.
Indoctrinating little girls to be aware of their manners and to be sure they’re reserved as to not incite men and their “boys will be boys” antics. Indoctrinating little girls that if they are ever sexually perpetuated, it is their fault and their fault alone.
From the aforementioned indoctrination to dress code to slimy ACCEPTABLE behaviors from men across the board, I’m FED the FUCK up.
I’m fed up that I have this badge to wear the rest of my life, as my rapist gets to have mental independence and in many circles, the demoralization of woman sexually is applauded.
I’m fed up that I’m told what I “SHOULD’ do, but these men aren’t told what they “SHOULD” do.
I’m fed up that we continue, in 2014, to perpetuate women to be responsible for derisive men and their immoral actions.
I’m fed up with this society’s intent on continually sexualizing our daughters at a younger age each year as rape crime numbers soar and not seeing the correlation.
Then again, why see a correlation when you can softly mask rape culture and blame women?
I’m fed up that I still have to defend myself, my choices, and my sexuality because I still get told “maybe you shouldn’t have shown cleavage and you wouldn’t have gotten raped”…in freakin’ 2014.
I’m fed up that I’m triggered by ignoramuses.
I’m fed up that I HAVE TO EDUCATE when this is something that should have already been pounded into the heads of men and women alike.
Instead of reinforcing this Eve/Jezebel mentality that women are to blame in rape, raise MEN instead of a “boy will be a boy”; raise men of VALOR; not men of victimizing. Raise men with a moral compass, not sexual immorality. Raise men to RESPECT women, not to hate them.
Women who have never suffered sexual depravity, but seem to want to point the finger at rape victims. DO BETTER! And consider yourself lucky. Rethink your primitive logic and empathize with your fellow woman.
Basically, stop being a complete & utter judgmental hag
RAPE IS NOT OKAY. IT’S NOT REMOTELY OKAY. IT WILL NEVER BE OKAY.
*gasps for air*
AND IT IS NOT MY FAULT. IT”S NOT ANY VICTIM’S FAULT. EVER.
NOTHING WE WEAR DICTATES WE ARE “OWED” BEING RAPED.
IT. IS. NOT. OUR. FAULT.
IT. IS. NOT. MY. FAULT.
I’m fed up with being a silenced “good girl” about my rape. I’m tired.
I’m tired of it all. It’s time for a freakin’ revolution and it starts with this gal.
I’m not ashamed anymore.
I’m more than a rape victim.
I’m more than the ‘rape’ label.
I’m not fearful.
I’m not afraid.
I am woman, and you WILL hear me roar.