Tonight, I was at my son, Zachary’s, spring musical, which is just a glorified way of saying “it was 35 minutes of cute second graders singing” and while it was a nice performance, something else stood out, not only to me, but to my three other children.
There was this well-articulated second-grader who told a story of two worms, and it wasn’t the story that was refreshing, but her sense of self and vigor. She had wire glasses, a cherub face, an audacious voice, and dish-water blonde hair; she was CAPTIVATING. A part of my brain said, “Tammy, this was you 25 years ago” and to my surprise Alicia and Andrew turn around and whisper loudly, “Mom, she looks like you!!”
First things first, my children have seen pictures of me when I was a wee one (dumb move) and they were kinda freakin out (in a good way) that a young child could resemble their mother. On the way out, my husband made sure to tell the girl ‘good job’ maybe because, he saw something hopeful in that little girl.
She stood on that stage brimming with confidence and bold fearlessness and the way she spoke was eerily similar to the way I spoke. Call me crazy (and I would if I wasn’t me) she stumbled over the word ‘and’ and blended together her “the’s” with her “like’s” just like I did.
It was just refreshing; a living reminder of who I was — who we all are before the world – and religion – told us who we are.
You know, when Christianity told us that we were broken, invaluable, and pathetic human beings who didn’t deserve grace, love, mercy, and forgiveness?
It sounds rather odd now that I have taken my ‘Christianity’ mask off, but that IS what the ‘church’ version of ‘Christianity’ told us.
We are nothing without Jesus.
We are meaningless without Jesus.
We are pathetic losers without Jesus.
We are just deplorable human beings without Jesus and we should just live our lives in shame and fear of judgement.
I am shameful without Jesus.
I should kill myself without Jesus.
Think about it, this is what the modern view of ‘Christianity’ tells us — That if we aren’t “saved” by our “savior” Jesus Christ, and if we don’t “tithe” 10%, and if we don’t “give” all of our time to the ‘church’ and if don’t pray into a bloody microphone about how our lives suck without Jesus, and if we don’t admit we’re worthless sinners, we are absolutely nothing.
We are just broken shells of a human being without a purpose in this world.
Man, that thinking is really delusional, hateful, and self-loathing AND is not mutually exclusive with the Jesus of Nazareth that I know and love.
Would Jesus tell anyone that they are worthless?
Would he want people – on any faith level – want them to feel so miserable about themselves that they are making this very misguided version of ‘Jesus’ an idol?
The answer is obvious, he wouldn’t, not the Jesus that I know.
I am NOT broken because ‘Christianity’ says I am.
I am NOT worthless because ‘Christianity’ says I am.
I am NOT insignificant because ‘Christianity’ says I am.
I am NOT miserable because ‘Christianity’ says I am.
I am NOT trashy because ‘Christianity’ says I am.
I am NOT busted…
I am NOT bruised…
I am NOT defective…
I am NOT crippled…
I am NOT maimed because ‘Christianity’ says I am.
In fact, I was PERFECT, BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING, FEARLESS, and BRAVE before ‘Christianity’ ever came into my life, and it was the actual fear-based ‘Christianity’ that PERPETUATED and PROJECTED those feelings unto me, so that I would be hog-tied to that social construct of being nothing without the falsified illustration of God and Jesus Christ.
The awful social construct that ‘Christianity’ provided, brainwashed, and embedded kept me – and other beings – oppressed…captured servants…Jesus zombies…underpaid hirelings…blinded cattle being led for a spiritual slaughter.
A system that utilizes techniques to further oppress people like me, so we become heartless robots to do their bidding.
But the great thing about all of this is, finding my own spiritual path (even though I’ve been hurt tremendously along the way) and realizing I have always been that PERFECT, BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING, FEARLESS, and BRAVE girl.
I am NOT worthless, I AM WORTHY.
I am NOT broken, I AM in MINT CONDITION.
I am NOT insignificant, I AM SIGNIFICANT.
I am NOT miserable, I AM JOYFUL.
I am NOT trashy, I AM A TREASURE.
And so are you.
Say it with me,
I do NOT suck without Jesus, I FU**ING ROCK!