One of the biggest areas that I have grown in, with God, is understanding I can’t change people’s perceptions, ideals, or themselves — they are the ones that have to do that. I have noted from the very beginning, that I label myself as a ‘fixer’ meaning I absorb peoples’ misguided masked judgements as opinions into my very being and it becomes this nasty negative attached to me. It’s something I have to be consistently aware of and give to God — in particular over the past two days when I shared a personal story that affected my mental and physical health.
I read things like, “She’s not a good Christian. That’s my opinion.” (No, that’s a judgement) and this one “She’s a Christian, but she has a gay son” which is rather laughable given that’s close to an ad hominem attack and does nothing for stating your case about a particular article. In fact, it does the opposite and shows the internal negativity one still has attached to them – perhaps, it;s a case of the small-town mentality or being a Christian fundamentalist, I have no clue. That being said, it’s basic psychology that when one is extra defensive about one topic, it *may* ring true.
Why I am speaking about this is because I often wonder why I never returned to Angola, Indiana — I always wondered if I needed peace, to make things right with those that hurt me AND those that I, in turn, hurt. Then, I had a revelation last night during prayer, I already have that peace.
God granted me that peace over a year ago…it just took analyzing this situation to understand it.
God is using me in a way some can’t comprehend because of their own muck and mire, He is using this blog to reach the inflicted, the damaged, the ostracized.
God redirected me from Angola because it is very likely I wouldn’t have grown spiritually if I was still living in a small town. Lord knows, I wouldn’t have all these good AND bad experiences to chart my growth if I was still based there — He knows our minds, hearts, and souls better than anyone and better than ourselves.
It took this situation to remind me, that people’s judgements, opinions – correct or incorrect – don’t define me, don’t matter to me, don’t mean anything really. God knows my heart and it is simple as that.
It goes both ways (Look what I’m doing here, being unbiased!?! GUH), my opinions and judgements – correct and incorrect – don’t define any person and doesn’t mean anything. God knows your heart even when you deny it with words.
I am incapable, but God will always be my strength.
I am undeserving, but God thinks I deserve the best of His.
I don’t believe in myself, but God believes that I can and I will.
God’s redirection is not rejection; He just wants the best for you, child.
When we are weak – and we are weak more often than we realize – God will be our nourishment and sustenance.
Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10