And that’s okay, except for it’s not okay.
What do I mean by that? I mean, as humans, we should have enough trust in the ones close in our lives to tell them when we need help..need assistance..need support. Unfortunately, there’s this societal stigma that if we reach for help, we’re this monstrosity of a human being.
We’re lesser than. We’re weak. We’re comparable to the scattering of filthy German Cockroaches over the decayed corpses of yesterday.
Okay, maybe that’s a bit much, but that’s how it feels being a mom, never mind being a stay-at-home-mom which has false stereotypes all its own.
Let’s just break your OPINION of what I DO as a SAHM right now. Yeah, we’re doing this.
I do not lounge around all day stuffing my face full of chocolate-covered bon bons as I watch the latest episode of the Young and the Restless nor do I spend my day baking chocolate chip cookies and delivering them to the neighbors. Also, I don’t spend every waking hour absorbed with my children nor my husband.
I know what you are thinking.
I’m a crappy excuse for a human being.
No, I’m being honest.
I love my children dearly. I teach them, but I don’t do everything for them. I want them to find themselves, just as I’m finding myself. So what do I mean by that? I’m not a freaking helicopter parent that throws my needs, wants, hobbies, and desires out the front door. Now, don’t go confusing the aforementioned as a way to justify a need to party…drink..gamble…fornicate..cheat…because that’s just crappy parenting. That is NOT what I am implying.
What I am saying is this.
It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.
It really is. It is my belief, that God wants all of his Children to care for themselves NUMERO UNO! So what does that mean? Well, it means I need alone time. How am I going to teach my children properly when I’m not even following my own teachings? It’s kinda like Christians who don’t practice what they preach.
There. I. Said. It.
I need alone time to write my thoughts. I need alone time to study God’s word. I need alone time to have these enormous conversations with God. And, heck, I wouldn’t mind alone time every once and while to sip some chocolate syrup (don’t judge me) while watching some stupid comedy as my children sleep.
I’m a SAHM mom whose job never ends. I have a “special needs” son who has a learning and an emotional disability which means every morning he’s already dealing with so many emotions he can’t handle. And he wakes up at 4:30. In the morning. Every morning. Throw in a rowdy German Shepherd into the mix, a mom that wouldn’t mind another hour of sleep, a teenager who thinks the world is ending when his phone is missing, a tween who believes 5th grade is sooooo hard, and a 9-year-old girl who thinks she is 18 and knows EVERYTHING!
Yeah, it’s not all sugar plums and buttercups.
That’s just how I start my day.
“Hey, Drew, can you let Scottie out to go pee.”
“I’m not Andrew”
I’m not saying expletives, but I am thinking them. This is how I start every morning during the week. I am looking forward to Sunday like no one’s business. When my husband is home, it’s like everything makes sense. It’s like God has blessed me with one morning off and for that day each and every week, I feel like the luckiest girl around.
Then Monday happens. And it starts all over again.
My days are filled with helping with homework, directing Wednesday activities, Ken’s youth group, Steven’s men’s group, getting in exercise when I can, delegating after school chores only to do them all myself, finding crumbled homework and demanding an unnamed child *cough Andrew cough* to do it, explaining to Alicia that being the most popular girl in school does not matter, cooking, baking, cleaning, and the list goes on and on and on for days.
*GASPS FOR AIR*
That’s not including the myriad of things I do such as writing, bible study, deep theological research, reading, and the list goes on and on.
Pretty much my life is chaotic. And, usually, I kinda like it. I get bored easily, so maybe God did know what He was doing when he blessed me with an active family and rambunctious, gifted children. Hey, I’m not romanticizing this at all, but I couldn’t imagine having my life any other way and that’s the part where God is like, “See, Tammy? I totally know what I’m doing.”
That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to have my children help out more or more understanding from them, but they’re kids….and you know what, they’re pretty freakin’ awesome, too.
Would I trade in their uniqueness, intelligence, and compassion for a few measly chores? Heck, NO!
So, I’ll be overwhelmed. No big deal. I’ll just do what I did this morning when I saw Alicia’s room which appeared as if a tornado had hit it…just close the door…and ask God for some patience.
I’m going to feel overwhelmed even more as Kenneth, Andrew, Alicia, and Zach get older and people will still judge my “progressive” parenting and even as to why I’m not out there having a 9-to-5 job.
And that’s okay. I don’t need their approval. I already have the only seal of approval that I need.
I love your mercy, grace, love and peace.
Thank you for giving me a little extra peace this morning, Big Guy.