365 Days of Impossible: Days 7-8 – Validation, Justification, & Being a Powerful Woman in Today’s Society



Wikipedia defines the unsavory moniker “bitch” as this:

Modern use can include self-description, often as an unfairly difficult person. In the context of modern feminism, “bitch” has varied reappropriated meanings that may connote a strong female (anti-stereotype of weak submissive woman), cunning (equal to males in mental guile), or else it may be used as a tongue-in cheek backhanded compliment for someone who has excelled in an achievement.

When used to describe a male, “bitch” may also confer the meaning of subordinate, especially to another male.

Notice the difference between the two modern day uses of the word “bitch.” For all intents and purposes, I am a bitch. I like to think God made me a pretty awesome bitch and I know he’ll forgive me for my use of such words for a broader driving point.

As a powerful and opinionated woman, I’ve been called a bitch numerous times, as well as, it has been implied in a plethora of instances. Anyone from a meager sports fan who felt I was trashing his/her team, from fellow bloggers – MSM and independent – who may have felt threatened and insecure, to fellow Christians who cling on to traditional values.

Bitch is used to describe a woman who shows – in my opinion – amazing authority and doesn’t back down. Bitch  is not mutually exclusive with having a bad attitude. 

That’s just being a big jerk or a turd biscuit, whichever you prefer.

But the miraculous and stunning thing about the word “bitch” is today’s society uses it to demean men and at the same time takes a disgusting misogynistic stance with women.

Basically, calling a man who exhibits feelings, emotions, a tender heart a “bitch” clearly sends out a message that women are a weaker gender. By calling your “home boy” a bitch, for staying in with his wife instead of drinking it up with you, he’s on par with the dastardly gender that is woman.

And in the process, perpetuating sexism and bigotry.

I can understand and respect traditional values, but being a “bitch” doesn’t make me less of a woman. I embrace all that God has blessed me with including my female attributes, a cherub face, and a knack for baking.

The KITCHEN and women are not synonymous.

How well I throw down in the kitchen doesn’t make me a more valuable female, it just means I can cook my family and friends some delicious confectioneries. Just like a man isn’t more valuable based on his penis length or girth.

You know what makes women and men more valuable????

Integrity. Grace. Intelligence. Compassion. Love. Faith.

With that being said, it’s  a sad state when we – as woman and even men – validate our self-worth by how much another person desires us…wants us…deems us redeemable.

No man or woman is worth losing your self, your integrity, your security over.

No man or woman is worth not having your personal identity. No man or woman is worth being felt like an object not a person.

I speak from experience and not from a haughty place. I once was so addicted to men this false illusion of being loved was evident. I had no self-respect. No dignity and certainly no integrity for myself as I sold everything God created me to be for a few remarks of validation.

Often times, when we aren’t sure of ourselves, we’ll justify ourselves with our poor past experiences. I know I did.

I justified the incessant validation because of  my poor childhood or things that happened when I was a young adult.

Over time, you see this need of validation from men…women…your family….it doesn’t fulfill that void you have in the pit of your stomach. This is where I believe we turn to other things…perhaps alcohol, drugs, illicit encounters and slowly addictions form.

I was addicted to men. 

But not in the way that you think; I validated my harmful displays by calling it “harmless flirting” but we all know, harmless flirting can send the wrong message and cause putrid circumstances we may regret forever.

We try to fill that dark, mire-filled void with things; people, substances, circumstances, but the only thing we do is dig a deeper hole of regret, bitterness, anger, and hopelessness.

I was lucky. God redirected my life where I could see everything I had done and learned from those occurrences. I didn’t need  men to validate me. I didn’t need my family to love me. I didn’t need validation from people that have no place in my upwards trajectory. I didn’t need any of that.

I wanted something more.

That’s the thing, we confuse what we “want” with what we “need” and I certainly didn’t need any of those aforementioned. I wanted it because I felt battered by life, by myself, by toxic relationships.

I found something more in God and His Message.

I found the purpose in which He intended me for and it’s been a more glorious search and discovery with every passing day.

Let’s do the impossible today, forget what society tells you; forget the restrictions that people put on your life; forget the mistakes you’ve made in the past because Lord knows, I’ve made plenty.

Forget the cruel words this fallen world has pelted your way; the bigotry, the unfathomable and unachievable beauty standards set by people that use Photo Shop for crying out loud and replace it with this:


Believe in Him and you can achieve ANYTHING!

You may still have hiccups in the road, but that’s just an amazing part of this splendorous life.

In 2014, I am an EMPOWERED woman of God.

You are an EMPOWERED individual.

No amount of misogyny, ignorance, and labels will ever change that.

I have all the validation and justification I need in God.


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